In Who Writes this Crap, Stickley and Wright take the most ridiculous examples of junk mail, packaging, emails and advertising and rewrite them in side-splitting new ways.
Author: Joel Stickley
Publisher: Penguin UK
Do you ever wonder who's responsible for the rubbish that you read every day? In Who Writes this Crap, Stickley and Wright take the most ridiculous examples of junk mail, packaging, emails and advertising and rewrite them in side-splitting new ways. Whether it’s a smoothie label, a newspaper headline or an unsolicited email from a Nigerian prince, this fun and irreverent satire will change the way you read forever.
I told a friend of mine, Wendy, on the Angel board and she wrote the following
back to me: “I'd like to pause now for a moment of silence in honor of the
chocolate bunny.” He paid the ultimate price. ... Who writes this crap? Don't Scry
for Me ...
Then, “Who writes this crap?” And let's not even get started on “Cold Desert” by
KOL. When he sings “jesus don't love me, no one ever carried my load,” Charlie
makes me turn it down like I do if, or when, we ever come across profanity.
Author: Kelly Watts
Publisher: Xlibris Corporation
Category: Biography & Autobiography
From the Mouth of Charlie Watts is a collection of short stories featuring conversations with the Autistic son of the author. The quotes were compiled over the last year.
You would have nothing to write down or write about. Get your own damn pen
and paper. These pads are for messages and not for you to write your shit on.
Every time I look for writing pads, you have put them someplace with your notes
Author: Ben Watford
I am of the opinion, that at some point in a marriage, all wives fuss and nag their husbands. My mother fussed and nagged my father and my wife is an expert at fussing and nagging. My wife has developed fussing and nagging into a beautiful art form. I enjoy her comments about my bad habits and me. I have quite a few bad habits. We have been married for almost sixty years and I would not have it any other way. There are a few things in the past that I would change. However, I would not change my wife as she is a beautiful specimen of womanhood.
And there are many men like that too, Ken Kesey and Walker Percy spring to
mind, who wrote well short, as essayists, but their hats rest on their books. People
are always ragging on Kesey for writing crap at the end, and it is crap, but my
Author: Brian Doyle
Publisher: Hachette UK
Category: Literary Collections
#1 SEATTLE TIMES BESTSELLER A playful and moving book of essays by a "born storyteller" (Seattle Times) who invites us into the miraculous and transcendent moments of the everyday When Brian Doyle passed away at the age of sixty after a bout with brain cancer, he left behind a cult-like following of devoted readers who regard his writing as one of the best-kept secrets of the twenty-first century. Doyle writes with a delightful sense of wonder about the sanctity of everyday things, and about love and connection in all their forms: spiritual love, brotherly love, romantic love, and even the love of a nine-foot sturgeon. At a moment when the world can sometimes feel darker than ever, Doyle's writing, which constantly evokes the humor and even bliss that life affords, is a balm. His essays manage to find, again and again, exquisite beauty in the quotidian, whether it's the awe of a child the first time she hears a river, or a husband's whiskers that a grieving widow misses seeing in her sink every morning. Through Doyle's eyes, nothing is dull. David James Duncan sums up Doyle's sensibilities best in his introduction to the collection: "Brian Doyle lived the pleasure of bearing daily witness to quiet glories hidden in people, places and creatures of little or no size, renown, or commercial value, and he brought inimitably playful or soaring or aching or heartfelt language to his tellings." A life's work, One Long River of Song invites readers to experience joy and wonder in ordinary moments that become, under Doyle's rapturous and exuberant gaze, extraordinary.
“This guy writes crap,” Ledezma said, and tossed his copy of Monkey See,
Monkey Don't on the desk. Pastorella looked up from his magazine. “Who writes crap?” “Smith. He's like all those mystery story writers—except Connelly, ...
Author: Frederick Ramsay
Publisher: Sourcebooks, Inc.
Frank Smith, famed writer of murder mysteries, boards Southwest Airlines heading from Phoenix to Baltimore. His goal is his 50th class reunion at Scott Academy, but behind him he leaves the highly suspicious disappearance of his wife into apparent thin air four years ago and the relentless quest of Officer Ledezma whose impulse is that Smith has killed her and buried the body. But another mystery awaits Frank at Scott-a mystery 25 years old. A group of young boys walked from the campus into the woods and disappeared. What could have happened to them? Who better than he to probe the mystery? In doing so, he not only relives his own boyhood when his father was the upright head of Scott's English Department, but that of the classmates of the missing boys, some of whom are back at Scott now for their 25th. Warm yet suspenseful, rich with a floodtide of emotions and packed with little nuggets of pure gold characterizations, Ramsay explores the role of impulse on many levels.
Becoming a better writer—working the muscle— takes some commitment to
simply show up, not unlike the commitment I kept with my ... 3 In this case, habit
lends the necessary scaffolding to support better writing. “Write like crap if you
Author: Ann Handley
Publisher: John Wiley & Sons
Category: Business & Economics
Finally a go-to guide to creating and publishing the kind of content that will make your business thrive. Everybody Writes is a go-to guide to attracting and retaining customers through stellar online communication, because in our content-driven world, every one of us is, in fact, a writer. If you have a web site, you are a publisher. If you are on social media, you are in marketing. And that means that we are all relying on our words to carry our marketing messages. We are all writers. Yeah, but who cares about writing anymore? In a time-challenged world dominated by short and snappy, by click-bait headlines and Twitter streams and Instagram feeds and gifs and video and Snapchat and YOLO and LOL and #tbt. . . does the idea of focusing on writing seem pedantic and ordinary? Actually, writing matters more now, not less. Our online words are our currency; they tell our customers who we are. Our writing can make us look smart or it can make us look stupid. It can make us seem fun, or warm, or competent, or trustworthy. But it can also make us seem humdrum or discombobulated or flat-out boring. That means you've got to choose words well, and write with economy and the style and honest empathy for your customers. And it means you put a new value on an often-overlooked skill in content marketing: How to write, and how to tell a true story really, really well. That's true whether you're writing a listicle or the words on a Slideshare deck or the words you're reading right here, right now... And so being able to communicate well in writing isn't just nice; it's necessity. And it's also the oft-overlooked cornerstone of nearly all our content marketing. In Everybody Writes, top marketing veteran Ann Handley gives expert guidance and insight into the process and strategy of content creation, production and publishing, with actionable how-to advice designed to get results. These lessons and rules apply across all of your online assets — like web pages, home page, landing pages, blogs, email, marketing offers, and on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and other social media. Ann deconstructs the strategy and delivers a practical approach to create ridiculously compelling and competent content. It's designed to be the go-to guide for anyone creating or publishing any kind of online content — whether you're a big brand or you're small and solo. Sections include: How to write better. (Or, for "adult-onset writers": How to hate writing less.) Easy grammar and usage rules tailored for business in a fun, memorable way. (Enough to keep you looking sharp, but not too much to overwhelm you.) Giving your audience the gift of your true story, told well. Empathy and humanity and inspiration are key here, so the book covers that, too. Best practices for creating credible, trustworthy content steeped in some time-honored rules of solid journalism. Because publishing content and talking directly to your customers is, at its heart, a privilege. "Things Marketers Write": The fundamentals of 17 specific kinds of content that marketers are often tasked with crafting. Content Tools: The sharpest tools you need to get the job done. Traditional marketing techniques are no longer enough. Everybody Writes is a field guide for the smartest businesses who know that great content is the key to thriving in this digital world.
This little book started with a germ of an idea of Sean O'Reilly's, and he called me
in Kathmandu to ask me to write about shitting abroad. ... I also appreciate my
parents' liberal views in tolerating a daughter who talks crap and writes filth.
Author: Jane Wilson-Howarth
Publisher: Travelers' Tales
Category: Health & Fitness
This book deals with the litany of the traveler's basic health problems. Readers will learn how to avoid and deal with: Traveler's Diarrehea Unhealthy water Weird foods Strange Toilets Dehydration Gastroenteritis Immunization Lack of adequate hygiene Worms Snakes, Spiders and Leeches Going outside Bathing The special problems of children Issues with seniors
Whilst I am writing, I am usually reading lots of books about the subject matter of
the book. Whilst writing ... thing once when someone came up to me at a
conference and said: 'I know you, you're the person that writes all that crap'. I was
hurt at ...
Author: Philip Burnard
I try to leave out the parts that people skip. Elmore Leonard This book is all about writing: it is both a practical and a personal account. When you write a book like this you put yourself on the line: you run the risk of people reading what you have written and saying 'he's saying one thing and doing another'. You stand to break the rules that you set up - quite badly. That is probably not such a terrible thing; besides, that should be part of the process of using this book. As you read it, notice when rules are broken. Check the phrasing, the sentence and paragraph construction, and see whether or not I have stuck to the rules. Then see whether or not the rules would have improved the passage in question. Begin to read books as much for their style, layout and general format as for their con tent. If you are going to write, you need to see plenty of examples of all of these things - good, bad and indifferent. to write for some time but was always This is a book I have wanted nervous of writing, so here it is: an introduction to some of the ways and means of writing. lt is, as I say, personal; I hope it will be useful. A word about sexism and the writing process. I find the use of 'his or her' and its variants clumsy.
Crap Holiday is the debut novel from Jenny Morrill, who writes the nostalgia and pop culture blog World of Crap. Occasionally, Den of Geek will take pity on her and allow her to write for them.
Author: Jenny Morrill
"Unhinged and hilarious" - Den Of Geek "So funny I laughed my bollocks into my socks" - Jason Hazeley "Any tale is vastly improved by the inclusion of Daniel O' Donnell" - Mr Biffo "I haven't read it yet, sorry" - Simon Brew Adventure! Romance! Misc! This book is none of these things, and less! Semi-permanent drunk Melissa just wants to drink neat gin from her Daniel O'Donnell mug and avoid being promoted at work. She doesn't have a boyfriend or any hopes and dreams and she likes being miserable. Her housemate Joanne makes a living as an "online lightworker" by aligning people's wood meridians. She does have a boyfriend - a poet named Fax who thinks he can boil eggs with his mind. And together they are... going on holiday to a new age festival. In amongst the spoon carving, vowel free poetry and too many vegans, Melissa tries to survive being serenaded with lutes and accidentally triggering people by eating Pringles. Crap Holiday is the debut novel from Jenny Morrill, who writes the nostalgia and pop culture blog World of Crap. Occasionally, Den of Geek will take pity on her and allow her to write for them. She once attempted to eat 36 trios in one go, after watching Highlander while drunk one night.
A book to tell you how to structure a perfect plot, create great characters, use language in a powerful and poetic way? This is not that book. 100 Ways to Write Badly Well is an adventure in drivel.
Author: Joel Stickley
"His use of language, his ability to twist the narrative and turn the obscure into the profound is outstanding." – The Stage Looking for a creative writing guide out there that will tell you how to write better? A book to tell you how to structure a perfect plot, create great characters, use language in a powerful and poetic way? This is not that book. 100 Ways to Write Badly Well is an adventure in drivel. It will teach you how to botch a plot, how to create characters that no one in their right mind would identify with and how to reduce the beauty of the English language to an incoherent mush. Using one hundred practical examples, each awful in its own unique way, blogger and creative writing tutor Joel Stickley will lead you methodically up the creek and carefully remove your paddle before running off and leaving you stranded. The route is lined with mixed metaphors, terrible plot twists, piles of adjectives and characters staring at themselves in mirrors for no apparent reason. Based on the popular blog and live comedy show How To Write Badly Well, this book is an invaluable guide to the art of awful writing that no would-be author should be without. Remember – if a thing's worth doing badly, it's worth doing badly well.
This mum is tired of the photos of perfectly packed school lunches, posts about gourmet family dinners eaten together at the table, and tales of neat, tidy and obedient children with smoothly brushed hair. It's time to reset the bar.
Author: M. Jessica Rowe
"Why not cut the crap, take the pressure off, and admit to the moments, days, weeks and months when the wheels fall off? In this fabulously funny, down-to-earth book, Diary of a Crap Housewife, Jessica Rowe writes honestly about her talent (or lack thereof) for cooking, about what's really important when it comes to mothering and family, and about her many and varied views, musings and commonsense advice on other crap housewife matters. As an added bonus, there are thirteen crap housewife recipes included, from Jessica's old favourite, spag bol, to a fresh and tasty Waldorf salad, and all so simple you can't go wrong. Being a crap housewife is a badge Jessica wears with pride, and it's a title she invites other women to embrace. The idea of crap lies in the real-life messes, hiccups, disasters and bad meals that many of us dish up and deal with every day. This mum is tired of the photos of perfectly packed school lunches, posts about gourmet family dinners eaten together at the table, and tales of neat, tidy and obedient children with smoothly brushed hair. It's time to reset the bar. Make expectations realistic. Strive to be kind, loving, smart and funny. Perfection is not required." --Back cover.
I've never said that I want to be a popular novelist , in the pejorative somebody who writes crap . sense - Int : But I had in mind someone like Irving . Boyle : I want
to be a popular novelist in the sense that I want to be somebody who writes well ...
Author: Benjamin Alire SaenzPublish On: 2008-06-17
I don't want any of thisupand down crap thatmy Tía Lisa talks aboutall the time. I
know that sounds boring as hell. Alejandra, this girl who lives two streets down
and is always hanging around, sort of agrees with me. Sort of. She tells methat ...
Author: Benjamin Alire Saenz
Publisher: Simon and Schuster
Category: Juvenile Fiction
"I mean, it's not as if I want a father. I have a father. It's just that I don't know who he is or where he is. But I have one." Ramiro Lopez and Jake Upthegrove don't appear to have much in common. Ram lives in the Mexican-American working-class barrio of El Paso called "Dizzy Land." His brother is sinking into a world of drugs, wreaking havoc in their household. Jake is a rich West Side white boy who has developed a problem managing his anger. An only child, he is a misfit in his mother's shallow and materialistic world. But Ram and Jake do have one thing in common: They are lost boys who have never met their fathers. This sad fact has left both of them undeniably scarred and obsessed with the men who abandoned them. As Jake and Ram overcome their suspicions of each other, they begin to move away from their loner existences and realize that they are capable of reaching out beyond their wounds and the neighborhoods that they grew up in. Their friendship becomes a healing in a world of hurt. San Antonio Express-News wrote, "Benjamin Alire Sáenz exquisitely captures the mood and voice of a community, a culture, and a generation"; that is proven again in this beautifully crafted novel.
Unless of course you are already disturbed, in which case this is the book for you!
Author: Cary McNeal
Blue Ice, Meteors, and Beaver Ass, Oh My! FACT: The use of maggots to clean wounds has proven to be effective for patients who don't respond to traditional treatments. FACT: The Icelandic dish hákarl is beheaded basking shark that is buried in the ground for six to 12 weeks to putrefy before it is eaten. FACT: Used during the Dutch Revolt, rat torture involved trapping rodents under a bowl on a prisoner's stomach then heating the bowl's exterior so the animals would eat through the victim's flesh to try to escape. FACT: The average person picks his nose five times every hour, occasionally eating what he picks. The world is a scary place, and it gets scarier every day. From the creator of the bestselling 1,001 Facts That Will Scare The S#*t Out Of You comes this new collection of 1,004 (count 'em!) truly horrifying and horrifyingly true facts about the world around us. From ancient medical practices to doomsday scenarios, to disgusting food from around the world and the entire terrifying state of Florida, the facts in Are You Sh*tting Me? are sure to entertain and disturb you at once. Unless of course you are already disturbed, in which case this is the book for you!
... when I HAD to go see “Beautiful Mind” because one ofthekids was writing
anessay on JohnNash's economic theory. ... Sowhen Crowe didn't win, it simply
reaffirmed my belief that Hollywierdis crap, and to continue my sanctions and
Author: Spring Wilde
Publisher: Strategic Book Publishing
Category: Literary Collections
In a collection of short stories composed of laments, commentaries, musings and rants, Life: Such As It Is looks with unbridled elucidation at a variety of topics. It cogitates society's newly found 'political correctness' which provided liars, cheaters, bad singers and untalented actors with excuses, apologies, and acceptances they would never merited had we all not lost our minds! In the words of the author: We make the life we have, and to sit around and gripe about the crappy stuff that happens to us because we've made bad or stupid choices is utter nonsense. We were so busy bringing "Sexy" back, that we forgot all about self-respect, an honest day's work, truth, decency, and responsibility for screwing up. We need to bring those back!
And she's right: I can be a bit of a smart arse.' - Joe Hildebrand 'This woman has enriched my life. And if you read this book your life will be enriched with honesty and love too!' - Denise Drysdale
Author: Jessica Rowe
Publisher: Allen & Unwin
Category: Biography & Autobiography
'Warning: this ain't no recipe book! But Jess's real, raw and often roaringly funny tales will nourish your soul. You'll devour it! And ask for seconds!' - Sarah Harris 'J-Ro's exuberance for this wonderful, sometimes messy and at times chaotic journey through life jumps joyfully out of each page. She's honest. She's disorganised. And she's got a heart of gold. Viva la Crap Housewife!' - Samantha Armytage Why not cut the crap, take the pressure off, and admit to the moments, days, weeks and months when the wheels fall off? In this fabulously funny, down-to-earth book, Diary of a Crap Housewife, Jessica Rowe writes honestly about her talent (or lack thereof) for cooking, about what's really important when it comes to mothering and family, and about her many and varied views, musings and commonsense advice on other crap housewife matters. As an added bonus, there are thirteen crap housewife recipes included, from Jessica's old favourite, spag bol, to a fresh and tasty Waldorf salad, and all so simple you can't go wrong. Being a crap housewife is a badge Jessica wears with pride, and it's a title she invites other women to embrace. The idea of crap lies in the real-life messes, hiccups, disasters and bad meals that many of us dish up and deal with every day. This mum is tired of the photos of perfectly packed school lunches, posts about gourmet family dinners eaten together at the table, and tales of neat, tidy and obedient children with smoothly brushed hair. It's time to reset the bar. Make expectations realistic. Strive to be kind, loving, smart and funny. Perfection is not required. 'Jess Rowe may be a crap housewife but she is a great writer and an even better friend. And she's right: I can be a bit of a smart arse.' - Joe Hildebrand 'This woman has enriched my life. And if you read this book your life will be enriched with honesty and love too!' - Denise Drysdale
Aw, crap. “Look, Hill,” I said as she escorted me past the shrugging penguin and
into the mansion's antechamber, “I'm supposed to write about the important
people who are here and describe what they are wearing, but I can't tell the
Author: Bruce DeSilva
Publisher: Forge Books
Prostitution has been legal in Rhode Island for more than a decade; Liam Mulligan, an old-school investigative reporter at dying Providence newspaper, suspects the governor has been taking payoffs to keep it that way. But this isn't the only story making headlines...a child's severed arm is discovered in a pile of garbage at a pig farm. Then the body of an internet pornographer is found sprawled on the rocks at the base of Newport's famous Cliff Walk. At first, the killings seem random, but as Mulligan keeps digging into the state's thriving sex business, strange connections emerge. Promised free sex with hookers if he minds his own business—and a beating if he doesn't—Mulligan enlists Thanks-Dad, the newspaper publisher's son, and Attila the Nun, the state's colorful Attorney General, in his quest for the truth. What Mulligan learns will lead him to question his beliefs about sexual morality, shake his tenuous religious faith, and leave him wondering who his real friends are. Cliff Walk is at once a hard-boiled mystery and an exploration of sex and religion in the age of pornography. Written with the unique and powerful voice that won DeSilva an Edgar Award for Best First Novel, Cliff Walk lifts Mulligan into the pantheon of great suspense heroes and is a giant leap for the career of Bruce DeSilva. At the Publisher's request, this title is being sold without Digital Rights Management Software (DRM) applied.
I note clearly what you say about “ writing crap . ” A good writer , even doing pulp
assignments , does not write crap ; he may write formula work , devoid of
newness , of literary merit , but it is craftsmanship ; he is given a job and he does
it well .
Author: Philip K. Dick
In this sixth entry in the series of Dick's letters, the great sci-fi author continues his metaphysical and religious quest initiated by the Valis visions of 1974. In these letters to friends, fans, agents, and other sci-fi writers, Dick speculates on the visionary and archetypal material that intruded into his novels in the latter part of his life, which marked a turning point in his literary career. These intensely personal letters express Dick's deepest thoughts on science fiction, human nature, philosophy, and more.
As a friend who writes SF says, repeatedly, drugs are just an escape from a given
society or a sense of hopelessness. ... “Panamá Red was the weed of choice in
the late sixties and seventies, now the stuff here is ... crap. Of, course, there ...