Shit My Dad Says

Shit My Dad Says

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Pan Macmillan

ISBN: 0752227408

Category:

Page: 185

View: 769

'At 28 years old, I found myself living at home, with my 73-year-old father. As a child, my father never minced words, and when I screwed up, he had a way of cutting right through the bullshit and pointing out exactly why I was being an idiot. When I moved back in I was still, for the most part, an idiot. But this time, I was smart enough to write down all the things he said to me…' Meet Justin Halpern and his dad. Almost one million people follow Mr Halpern’s philosophical musings every day on Twitter, and in this book, his son weaves a brilliantly funny, touching coming-of-age memoir around the best of his sayings. What emerges is a chaotic, hilarious, true portrait of a father and son relationship from a major new comic voice. As Justin says at one point, his dad is ‘like Socrates, but angrier, and with worse hair’; and this is the sort of shit he says… ‘You know, sometimes it’s nice having you around. But now ain’t one of those times. Now gimmie the remote, we’re not watching this bullshit.’ ‘Happy Birthday, I didn’t get you a present… Oh, mom got you one? Well, that’s from me then, too – unless it’s shitty.’ ‘Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn’t stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down.’ ‘The worst thing you can be is a liar . . . Okay, fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2.’ ‘Why the f**k would I want to live to 100? I’m 73 and shit’s starting to get boring. By the way, there’s no money left when I go, just fyi.’
Categories:

More Shit My Dad Says

More Shit My Dad Says

' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today.

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Pan Macmillan

ISBN: 9781447248958

Category: Humor

Page: 192

View: 429

‘Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a sh*tload scarier’ Sam Halpern Soon after Sh*t My Dad Says began to take off, comic writer Justin Halpern decided to take the plunge and propose to his then girlfriend. But before doing so, he asked his dad's advice, which was very, very simple (and surprisingly clean): 'Just take a day to think about it.' This book is the story of that trip down memory lane, a toe-curlingly honest pilgrim’s progress of teenage relationships, sex and love by one of the funniest writers at work today. Sh*t people say about Justin Halpern: ‘Ridiculously hilarious’ Chelsea Handler ‘Shoot-beer-out-your-nose funny’ Maxim ‘Funny, silly, honest, lively and fresh’ Sunday Times
Categories: Humor

Sh T My Dad Says

Sh T My Dad Says

Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious coming-of-age book about a son's relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Pan

ISBN: 0330533452

Category: American wit and humor

Page: 192

View: 641

Tuesdays with Morrie meets F My Life in this hilarious coming-of-age book about a son's relationship with his foul-mouthed father by the 29-year-old comedy writer who created the massively popular Twitter feed of the same name.
Categories: American wit and humor

Shit My Dad Says

Shit My Dad Says

Henry (Jonathan Sadowski) gets laid off from his job and decides to see if he can borrow money from his father Ed (William Shatner).

Author: Dio Anthony Austi

Publisher:

ISBN: 9798599129066

Category:

Page: 32

View: 426

Henry (Jonathan Sadowski) gets laid off from his job and decides to see if he can borrow money from his father Ed (William Shatner). Meanwhile Ed must work to get his driver's license again after he forgot to renew it. Two other main characters, Vince (Will Sasso), Henry's brother and his wife Bonnie (Nicole Sullivan) also visit Ed and Henry from time to time.
Categories:

I Suck at Girls Enhanced Edition

I Suck at Girls  Enhanced Edition

One day I decided to start chronicling the absurd things that came out of his
mouth in a Twitter feed called Shit My Dad Says. What began as an attempt to
take my mind off my heartache, and make a couple friends laugh, exploded:
within two ...

Author: Justin Halpern

Publisher: Harper Collins

ISBN: 9780062215727

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 192

View: 174

In I Suck at Girls, the enhanced e-book edition, Justin's famously opinionated father goes on camera for the first time, offering life advice on topics from marriage to profanity and debating the appeal of pornography in seven exclusive videos. Justin's father also tells his version of raising Justin with an essay written in prose as hilarious and poignant as his son's. In addition the enhanced e-book features nine exclusive photos from Justin's childhood. "Human beings fear the unknown. So, whatever's freaking you out, grab it by the balls and say hello. Then it ain't the unknown anymore and it ain't scary. Or I guess it could be a shitload scarier." Fans of the #1 bestseller Sh*t My Dad Says will recognize the always-patient voice of Justin Halpern's dad as it crackles through the pages of this hysterical new book. The story begins when Justin takes his dad out to lunch to announce that he's decided to propose to his girlfriend. "You've been dating her for four years," his dad replies. "It ain't like you found a parallel fucking universe." But eventually he gives Justin some advice: that he should take a day off and think back over everything he's learned in life about women, relationships, and himself before making his decision. And that's just what Justin does—revisiting everything from his disastrous childhood crushes to the night he finally lost his virginity while working as a dishwasher at Hooters. I Suck at Girls is full of his dad's patented brand of wisdom. But it's also full of new characters just as funny as his dad—from his brother, who provides insights into wedding night rituals ("You stand in one corner of the room, and she stands in the other. You each take off one piece of clothing at a time") to his first boss, who warns Justin to man up: "That's what a man does. He takes his shots and then he scrubs the shit out of some dishes." The result is a pilgrim's progress through the landscape of sex and love—by one of the funniest writers at work today. Please note that due to the large file size of these special features this enhanced e-book may take longer to download then a standard e-book.
Categories: Biography & Autobiography

New York

New York

HIGHBROW • One out of every six seniors in Brooklyn has been victimized by a
financial scam . ... Amtrak says yes to Moynihan Station . ... The “ Shit My Dad
Says " Twitter feed : " Don't touch the bacon , it's not done yet . You let me handle
the ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: STANFORD:36105119894579

Category: New York (N.Y.)

Page:

View: 751

Categories: New York (N.Y.)

The Social Media Side Door How to Bypass the Gatekeepers to Gain Greater Access and Influence

The Social Media Side Door  How to Bypass the Gatekeepers to Gain Greater Access and Influence

It was a young college student with a Tumblr blog, and he was looking for an
upgrade. His blog was devoted to clean, Mormon-themed humor for the college
set; kind of a sanitized play on the “shit my dad says” meme. I thought, “There's
no ...

Author: Ian Greenleigh

Publisher: McGraw Hill Professional

ISBN: 9780071816731

Category: Business & Economics

Page: 256

View: 704

"Skip the line at the front door! Learn to detect the hidden social media side doors that provide instant, privileged access to the top influencers and decision-makers in any industry Access is one of the great unexamined issues in social media. Barriers used to be everywhere, in the form of gatekeepers and rules that governed access to people with power, authority, budgets, expertise, and fame. But social media side doors--alternate avenues of access through social media--have opened all around us, and few have noticed.Through them, we can engage with top business executives, thought leaders, and tastemakers. We have the unique ability to draw the attention of people and organizations that are bombarded every day by countless competing traditional requests for consideration.In The Social Media Side Door, social media strategist Ian Greenleigh reveals how to walk right through the social media side doors that lie hidden in plain sight--to forge valuable relationships, create business opportunities, raise your thought leader profile, or land the perfect job. It will enable readers to expand their own means of access to those they wish to engage with, and the ways in which this access--in both directions--can be leveraged to unlock a new level of ROI.Ian Greenleigh is the Senior Manager of Content and Social Strategy at Bazaarvoice. His words and ideas have been featured in Harvard Business Review, AdAge, Adweek, Ragan, Seth Godin's The Domino Project, and elsewhere. He writes and speaks on a wide range of topics, including changing consumer-brand relationships, the convergence of personal identities, and the radically shifting landscapes of access and influence. Visit daretocomment.com and follow him at @be3d"--
Categories: Business & Economics

Waving at the Gardener

Waving at the Gardener

He held up the cigarette . Too many of these . She nodded . Least it stopped him
talking . Nothing else would . He talked a lot of shit , my dad . Yeah ? I always
thought cancer would be slow , he said . A slow way to die . But it was really quick
.

Author: Kate Pullinger

Publisher: Bloomsbury UK

ISBN: STANFORD:36105124122404

Category: English fiction

Page: 205

View: 520

'As a woman I have no country. As a woman my country is the whole world.' - Virginia Woolf Asham House in Sussex was once home to Virginia and Leonard Woolf and is the inspiration behind the Asham Award. Launched in 1996 to support and encourage new writers, it is Britain's only prize for short stories by women. Waving at the Gardenerpresents the twelve fresh, engaging and original voices shortlisted for the Asham Short-Story Award 2009, as well as six specially commissioned new stories by beloved authors Margaret Atwood, Esther Freud, Alison MacLeod and Yiyun Li.
Categories: English fiction

Forkroads

Forkroads

Then , looking up , she says to me , “ If I had hair like that , I certainly wouldn ' t
ruin it . " I didn ' t know I had ruined it . I thought it looked good . But that ' s just like
my family to make you feel like shit . My dad comes in and sees his brother .

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: STANFORD:36105123078409

Category: American literature

Page:

View: 940

Categories: American literature

YC Young Children

YC Young Children

He then says , “ This need a title ! ” and writes Sht bod rip ( Skateboard Ramp ] (
see “ Quoshad's Evolving World ” ) . I play w of mi ... Quoshad cannot read most
of them , but he stops at a drawing and says , “ This is me playing with my dad .

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: STANFORD:36105121764497

Category: Education, Preschool

Page:

View: 260

Categories: Education, Preschool

The People in the Playground

The People in the Playground

E said ' e ' d take a picture of people with no clothes on , and ' e hasn ' t even got
a film in ' is camera ! ... opens the door and the policeman ' s there and ' e goes , "
Hello fuck , don ' t forget to wipe your feet on the shit , my Dad ' s in the snot .

Author: Iona Archibald Opie

Publisher: Oxford University Press, USA

ISBN: 0192853015

Category: Children

Page: 240

View: 177

For nearly forty years Iona Opie worked with her late husband Peter on a notable series of books on the traditional lore of childhood. As part of the fieldwork from 1970 onwards, she visited the local school playground every week.The children accepted Mrs Opie as a regular feature of the playground, a harmless collector of jokes and games. Her aim, however, was to provide the living context of school-lore, rather than the lore itself. She achieved this by writing down events exactly as they happened, and conversationsexactly as they were spoken. The result is a startlingly honest portrait of children at play, at once charming and hilarious, alarming and poignant, and full of infectious vitality.We see games seasons as they come and go, watch ephemeral amusements being devised and forgotten, and see how school-lore evolves and is transmitted. Much fundamental human behaviour is recoreded: the differences in attitudes between the sexes; the boys' irrevocable devotion to fighting andfootball, and their innate kindness; the art of storytelling; the friendships and enmities; the excited interest in sex; the diversity of characters; and above all, the hilarity which pervades the playground, creating entertainment out of trivialities.In the uninhibited language and astonishing inventiveness chronicled in these pages we recognize the games and jokes of previous generations; at once a revelation and a reassurance of continuity, this book offers a unique insight into the world of the child.
Categories: Children

Transient Ways

Transient Ways

All my life he ' s been an asshole , and now he ' s being so nice , even generous .
... Shit , my dad ' s never given me drugs before . ... see you later , " he says ,
walking off , then turns around , “ And Una , I love you truly , madly , deeply .

Author: Jessica Erica Hahn

Publisher: Passing Through

ISBN: STANFORD:36105020246943

Category: Social Science

Page: 93

View: 223

A modern day On The Road for today's dispossessed generation. This somersaults the reader into an un-adulterated joyride through squatters' glorious streets and reawakening hobo highways. Desperate and daring characters freight-hopping and dumpster-diving. A collection of thinly autobiographical snapshots and vignettes.
Categories: Social Science

Spectrum Language Arts Grade 4

Spectrum Language Arts  Grade 4

Dad and 0 me ) saw some houses on top of a hill . ... Me , O and Dad knocked at
the next house , but there was no answer there , either . Finally at the ... My family
, the pigs , and I Mom said that ( her , she ) and my sister were happy to meet
them . ... Delete the words in the incorrect order and write the words in the correct
order above the sentence . her Example : The medal was given to sht - by
mistake .

Author: Betty Jane Wagner

Publisher: Spectrum

ISBN: 1561899542

Category: Juvenile Nonfiction

Page: 180

View: 543

Encourages creativity and builds confidence by making writing fun! Seventy-two four-part lessons strengthen writing skills by focusing on parts of speech, word usage, sentence structure, punctuation and proofreading. Each level includes a Writer's Handbook at the end of the book that offers tips. Based on the highly respected McGraw-Hill Companies' language arts textbooks. Full-color illustrations. Consumable. (Available now)
Categories: Juvenile Nonfiction

No Honor

No Honor

WHAT AR€ YOU POINC* OUT T in T\\e sneer so l LAT€, LITTL€ / %c yon mevn
My DAD AND MOM? MOM'S NOT HOME R1GHT NOW. 5HB PUTS ON LIPSTICK
, AND STOCKINGS ANP.. .SHE'S GOIN6 TO HER 'N!<SHT JOB'. I...&OT LOST.

Author: Fiona Kai Avery

Publisher: Top Cow Productions

ISBN: 158240321X

Category: Comics & Graphic Novels

Page: 112

View: 338

Witness the theft of an antique Katana and the rebirth of an ancient Samurai soul in the body of a thief without honor. Fall in love with someone you could never possibly know, hunt while being hunted, and taste the world again for the first time in 1300 years. No Honor is the tale of a thief who finally runs out of a luck and runs into Tannen Yojimbo, the spirit of a Samurai who will change his world forever.
Categories: Comics & Graphic Novels

Collier s

Collier s

You will always be a Brook was doing this she went in to powder her not be in
this spot with my wife if I was watched you scrounge ... I have not got to take ably
don't know , is a foreign car de “ I want them , ” she says . ... see you and there
has not been anybody in only here before the war that my dad's old mind . are
still the same joe that tried to get that ... You would do the same in my The trouble
is that the first time the could get , and as soon as she read it sht where I saw her
before ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:39015057048038

Category:

Page:

View: 643

Categories:

The Saturday Evening Post

The Saturday Evening Post

Sonny gives a radio interview by telephone , while Chér , in her rabbit - skin coat ,
signs an autograph for a bellman at the Sheraton Hotel in Dallas , 50 - the
Campbell's . It's right ... Senators say all kinds of things an ' nobody calls them
protestors . " The girl ... I never had a mother , I hardly knew my Dad . ... Sht
handed it to the girl , who grasped it in her tiny curled fingers , gasping happily ,
her eyes wet .

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: NWU:35556000807313

Category:

Page:

View: 248

Categories:

Maximum Rocknroll

Maximum Rocknroll

Dubya my dad a picture of the MRR “ 20 Each and every one of you years ” shirt I
' m ordering . He pinkos is free to go down to the looks at it for a minute and says
corner McDonald ' s and get a Big Dear readers : “ Go ahead and order me one
too . Mac or drive your ... We need to Free Press reads as right - wing Christian
nuts . ” How get on the same page here . The follows : ' bout that shit ! My dad ' s ...

Author:

Publisher:

ISBN: UOM:39015073794623

Category: Popular music

Page:

View: 557

Categories: Popular music

High impact Infidelity Diet

High impact Infidelity Diet

When I first started going with Cheryl she went on and on about how she didn ' t
usually like frat guys but that I was different from the other guys in my fraternity
and I said “ How am I different ? ... Those unblinking nips are staring back at a
guy who has survived his share of shit . My dad dying when I was twelve , for one
.

Author: Lou Harry

Publisher: Three Rivers Press (CA)

ISBN: 1400098459

Category: Fiction

Page: 355

View: 274

Tired of dealing with their obese husbands, exasperated wives Brin, Cheryl, and Dierdre offer their spouses an unusual incentive to lose weight--permission to sleep with a beautiful hooker--but when the men begin to lose weight at a remarkable pace, the three women are forced to go on the hunt for a suitable prostitute. Original. 30,000 first printing.
Categories: Fiction

Don t Ever Punch a Rockstar

Don t Ever Punch a Rockstar

This is by no means the same old autobiography that you have read before. Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar combine elements of Get in The Van, Emails from and Asshole and Shit My Dad Says all in one hot mess of a story.

Author: Danny Marianino

Publisher: Createspace Independent Publishing Platform

ISBN: 1479295485

Category: Biography & Autobiography

Page: 266

View: 577

Documenting Danny Marianino's days as a metalhead from childhood into adulthood, Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar somehow rationalizes playing in a few hardcore/punk bands, touring, fighting, drinking, internet bullying, celebrity encounters, satanic curses, house fires, harassment and collecting an immeasurable amount of hate mail from some of the most illiterate human beings the world has to offer. Though Oprah will never add this into her book club, it's still a good lesson in accepting the negative with a laugh and gaining a new sense of temperance and humility. At the very least I will entertain you with a campy memoir and a detailed eye-opening account of the chaos that followed the infamous event that VH1 called one of the Most Shocking Moments in Rock and Roll. This is by no means the same old autobiography that you have read before. Don't Ever Punch a Rockstar combine elements of Get in The Van, Emails from and Asshole and Shit My Dad Says all in one hot mess of a story. Praise for the book - "Danny Marianino's Never Punch A Rockstar is a sock in the jaw to punk/metal scene conformity, and it hurts so good! Final score: North Side Kings 2, Danzig, 0." - STEVEN BLUSH, author/filmmaker, American Hardcore "As trenchant, sometimes funny, insightful and shocking as a punch in the face. WHICH is incidentally what started this whole ball rolling. A pretty potent look into the power of image and the punching of the face of arguably a legend of, well, face punching, Glenn Danzig, and the ensuing firestorm that followed. I'd give it 5 black eyes." -- EUGENE S. ROBINSON, singer for Oxbow & author of FIGHT: Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Ass Kicking But Were Afraid You'd Get Your Ass Kicked For Asking "With Don't Ever Punch a Rock Star author Danny Marianino has written an entertaining, humorous and humble autobiography. The often times laugh-out-loud recollections of Danny's life up to and following the infamous run-in with the drama-queen of dark metal is more than engaging and, with the inclusion of hate mail, zany rumors, message board threats and internet tough guys, you're sure to get a good giggle while learning what truly transpired that fateful night in Tuba City." - DUSTIN LAVALLEY, author of Spinner "As we have always said on the streets of NY - don't start none -there wont be none - and if you do, at least keep your hands up and guard your grill. Way to K.O. rock star attitudes Danny Boy!" - John Joseph author of The Evolution of a Cro-Magnon and Meat is For Pussies
Categories: Biography & Autobiography