1000 Years of Annoying the French

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1473508185

Category: History

Page: 768

View: 6584

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NEW UPDATED EDITION Was the Battle of Hastings a French victory? Non! William the Conqueror was Norman and hated the French. Were the Brits really responsible for the death of Joan of Arc? Non! The French sentenced her to death for wearing trousers. Did the French write "God Save the Queen"? Non! But that's what they claim. Ten centuries' worth of French historical 'facts' bite the dust as Stephen Clarke looks at what has really been going on since 1066 ... Featuring new annoyances – both historical and recent – inflicted on the French, including Napoleon's "banned" chamber pot, Louis XIV's painful operation, Anglo-French jibes during the 2012 London Olympics, French niggles about William and Kate's royal wedding, and much more ...
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The French Revolution and What Went Wrong

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1473536669

Category: History

Page: 592

View: 8083

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An entertaining and eye-opening look at the French Revolution, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks back at the French Revolution and how it’s surrounded in a myth. In 1789, almost no one in France wanted to oust the king, let alone guillotine him. But things quickly escalated until there was no turning back. The French Revolution and What Went Wrong looks at what went wrong and why France would be better off if they had kept their monarchy.
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Annoying The French Encore!

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1448150256

Category: Humor

Page: 30

View: 2963

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A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR Bonjour cher reader, Ever since European history began, we Brits have been happily engaged in our national pastime - annoying the French. And the past couple of years have shown that this annoying never stops. To give just three examples: After a mid-Atlantic collision between French and British nuclear submarines, France's Minister of Defence seemed to blame the accident on ... shrimps. When French political superstar Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested in New York, France's establishment was outraged. It soon emerged that sexual harassment was regarded as a basic human right by the country's male élite. (This theme provided so much excellent material that I decided to include it in the plot of my soon-to-be published novel, The Merde Factor.) And when David Cameron walked out of a Eurosummit, a French politician accused him of being 'like a man at a wife-swapping party who refuses to bring his own wife.' Yes, a very French image, and it just one of the many anti-Anglais insults that came flying across the Channel. You will find all this, and much more, in Annoying the French Encore! Because, for the French, the merde never ends. Yours historically, Stephen Clarke, Paris, August 2012 ‘Tremendously entertaining’ Sunday Times ‘Relentlessly and energetically rude’ Mail on Sunday
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How the French Won Waterloo - Or Think They Did

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 0099594994

Category:

Page: 304

View: 3489

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Published in the 200th Anniversary year of the Battle of Waterloo a witty look at how the French still think they won, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Two centuries after the Battle of Waterloo, the French are still in denial. If Napoleon lost on 18 June 1815 (and that's a big 'if'), then whoever rules the universe got it wrong. As soon as the cannons stopped firing, French historians began re-writing history. The Duke of Wellington was beaten, they say, and then the Prussians jumped into the boxing ring, breaking all the rules of battle. In essence, the French cannot bear the idea that Napoleon, their greatest-ever national hero, was in any way a loser. Especially not against the traditional enemy âe" les Anglais. Stephen Clarke has studied the French version of Waterloo, as told by battle veterans, novelists, historians âe" right up to today's politicians, and he has uncovered a story of pain, patriotism and sheer perversion ...
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Dial M For Merde

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1407039601

Category: Fiction

Page: 320

View: 5062

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In the South of France, Paul West has a license to thrill. He has just received an offer he can't refuse: two weeks in the sun, all expenses paid, with a beautiful blonde called Gloria Monday. But it soon becomes obvious that M, as Gloria likes to be known, is not really interested in holidaying with Paul. She has bigger fish to fry. Meanwhile Paul's best friend Elodie is getting married, and Paul is asked to do the catering. Cooking for the French is a risky assignment at the best of times, but Paul assures Elodie that nothing can go wrong. Or can it? When Paul discovers that M's real target is France's biggest fish of all - the new President - and that he's coming to Elodie's wedding, he realises that the merde is about to hit the fan ...
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Dirty Bertie: An English King Made in France

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1448108284

Category: History

Page: 400

View: 4434

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The entertaining biography of Edward VII and his playboy lifestyle, by Stephen Clarke, author of 1000 Years of Annoying the French and A Year in the Merde. Despite fierce opposition from his mother, Queen Victoria, Edward VII was always passionately in love with France. He had affairs with the most famous Parisian actresses, courtesans and can-can dancers. He spoke French more elegantly than English. He was the first ever guest to climb the Eiffel Tower with Gustave Eiffel, in defiance of an official English ban on his visit. He turned his French seduction skills into the diplomatic prowess that sealed the Entente Cordiale. A quintessentially English king? Pas du tout! Stephen Clarke argues that as 'Dirty Bertie', Edward learned all the essentials in life from the French.
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Paris Revealed

The Secret Life of a City

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1409011119

Category: Travel

Page: 320

View: 4800

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PARIS - one of the most visited cities in the world. BUT do you know ... Which is the most romantic spot to say 'je't'aime'? And the sexiest? Where to see fantastic art, away from all the crowds? Why Parisian men feel compelled to pee in the street? How to choose a hotel room where you might actually get a good night's sleep? Stephen Clarke goes behind the scenes to reveal everything Parisians know about their city - but don't want to tell you.
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A Year In The Merde

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 140703877X

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 9787

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Paul West, a young Englishman, arrives in Paris to start a new job - and finds out what the French are really like. They do eat a lot of cheese, some of which smells like pigs' droppings. They don't wash their armpits with garlic soap. Going on strike really is the second national participation sport after pétanque. And, yes, they do use suppositories. In his first novel, Stephen Clarke gives a laugh-out-loud account of the pleasures and perils of being a Brit in France. Less quaint than A Year in Provence, less chocolatey than Chocolat, A Year in the Merde will tell you how to get served by the grumpiest Parisian waiter; how to make perfect vinaigrette every time; how to make amour - not war; and how not to buy a house in the French countryside.
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Merde Happens

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1407038540

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 8635

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Paul West is in deep financial merde. His only way out of debt is to accept a decidedly dodgy job that involves him touring America in a Mini, while pretending to be typically British. Also in the car is Paul's French girlfriend, Alexa, and his American poet friend, Jake, whose main aim in life is to sleep with a woman from every country in the world. Preferably in the back of Paul's Mini. But as the little car battles from New York to Miami, and then heads west, leg-room turns out to be the least of Paul's troubles. His work is being sabotaged, his tour plans are in tatters, and his love life becomes a Franco-American war zone. And as Paul knows better than anyone, when you mix love and war - merde happens ...
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The Merde Factor

(Paul West 5)

Author: Stephen Clarke

Publisher: Random House

ISBN: 1448108276

Category: Fiction

Page: 384

View: 5082

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Englishman Paul West is living the Parisian dream, and doing his best not to annoy the French. But recently things have been going très wrong: He's stuck in an apartment so small that he has to cut his baguettes in two to fit them in the kitchen. His research into authentic French cuisine is about to cause a national strike - and it could be all his fault. His Parisian business partner is determined to close their tea-room. And thinks that sexually harrassing his female employees is a basic human right. And Paul's gorgeous ex-girlfriend seems to be stalking him. Threatened with eviction, unemployment and bankrupcy, Paul realises that his personal merde factor is about to hit the fan...
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