Five on Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: 9781786483843

Category: Famous Five (Fictitious characters)

Page: 112

View: 4052

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, can George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy survive the ultimate test of their friendship: Brexit? It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature... Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain...that is, until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat. Perfect for anyone sick of hearing that 'Brexit means Brexit', or for that relative you're still not talking to because of how they voted...
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Five on Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786483858

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 7705

It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature . . . Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain. . . . that is until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat.
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Five on Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Quercus Publishing

ISBN: 1786483858

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 9233

It is the night of the referendum and the Five have retired to Kirrin Island to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine, fed up with the rancour of public debate. George is firmly a 'remainer,' whilst Julian, who is in the 'Brexit' camp, is tolerated on the grounds that Anne cannot bear to go camping without him. (Timmy, largely apolitical but not keen on cats or rabbits, joins them too.) The night is tempestuous in more ways than one. George has managed to rig up a satellite link with the mainland so they can keep abreast of the news, and they sit huddled around the fire, amidst some tension, as George's initial hope that the 'remainers' will triumph proves premature . . . Meanwhile, a violent storm whips up. The damage is apparent as the new day dawns and George declares a new meaning for Brexit: Kirrin Island is exiting Britain. . . . that is until the red tape becomes too much of a challenge and their happy life together is under threat.
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Five Escape Brexit Island

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: 9781786486981

Category: Humor

Page: 105

View: 3183

'Escape first, talk about politics later!' said George. From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! It's a year after the Brexit vote. The four housemates and Timmy are on a visit to see their evil genius cousin Rupert. Rupert owns a chunk of the Jurassic Coast, part of which he has turned into an island and declared independence from Britain. Its fifteenth-century Dorset castle is a tourist attraction, but a computer hack puts the ancient fortifications into lockdown and plunges the Five into peril. Can our intrepid friends escape to the safety of mainland Europe?
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Five Get Gran Online

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Quercus Publishing

ISBN: 1786484722

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 6328

'What operating system does your PC run on?' 'Electricity,' said Gran. From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! The Five go north to see their grandmother who is alone over the Easter weekend. They're shocked to find it's been so long that they don't recognise her at all. While they're there, they try to help her with her computer. They try first to fix her iTunes account, and then her internet banking - after all it's the least they can do! However everything they touch turns to dust. They end up getting her cut off from the internet, the gas and the electricity, and reduced to a World War II-style privations - that is until the toddler from next door comes in and fixes everything. They return home somewhat with their tails between their legs, only to discover that with their help Gran has learned to make videos, and has become an internet sensation.
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Five Give Up the Booze

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Quercus Publishing

ISBN: 1786482274

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 8803

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: give up the booze. Give up alcohol you say? Why, of course they can! Talk about an easy challenge! Five old friends set about this simple task and find all of a sudden that: the days are longer; they get to see each other for who they really are; the empty laughter of ordinary conversation is so much harder to fake. Yes, they're saving money and losing weight, but the world itself seems to take on a slow, dreary inevitability. Soon they begin to snap at each other, and then fight - until they begin to wonder, have the Five at last found the challenge that will defeat them? The perfect gift for anyone who has woken up and promised themselves that they will never drink again. Or at least until next weekend.
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Five Go Gluten-Free

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: 9781786482228

Category: Diet therapy

Page: 112

View: 3246

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: is it possible to get a good gluten-free cream tea? Julian, Anne, Dick, George and Timmy are all feeling really rather rum, and it's been going on for days. Nothing seems to work, and with their doctors mystified, they're driven to trying out various expedients to cure themselves. Julian goes online to self-diagnose that he's got pancreatic cancer, bird flu and Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease. Anne decides that the old methods are the best and decides to have herself exorcised - which proves to be an awful lot of bother for everyone, and such a mess. Dick goes to a witch-doctor who calls himself a 'homeopath' ('sounds only one short of sociopath, Dick!') but it's George who discovers they need to go on an exclusion diet, so they enter a world of hard-to-find, maddeningly expensive specialist foods . . . Just perfect for anyone who likes Deliciously Ella, Amelia Freer and the Naturalista - as well as any reluctant partners who are begrudgingly spiralising courgettes for dinner.
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Five at the Office Christmas Party

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: N.A

ISBN: 9781786487674

Category: Humor

Page: 112

View: 3374

Everyone tensed and leaned forward, wondering who this new arrival could be. A stripper? Surely not. A music act? Please no.' From the author of Number One Christmas bestseller, Five on Brexit Island, join the Five in their next hilarious adventure in this bestselling series for grown-ups! The Five set out to give the best office Christmas party ever, in the most traditional of fashions. But on no budget at all. Will they succeed, and make everyone happy? Or will all the emergency services be called before the night is out?
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Five Go On A Strategy Away Day

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786482258

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 7989

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront a new challenge: what exactly is this puzzling scrape referred to as a 'strategy away day'? The Five have gone on their greatest adventure yet - to become an even better team! They are booked into an exciting hotel right next to the jolly motorway services, where the nice (if somewhat nervous and sweating and depressed) man teaches them a number of exercises that will make them work better. But wait! Who's been sneaking messages through the hotel dumb waiter about secret assignations? Is there a smuggler's plot afoot? Or is Shelly from Production shagging Postroom Luke? All will be revealed . . . Ideal for those who are allergic to corporate jargon and will throw a sickie before having to play a trust game with colleagues.
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Five Go Parenting

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786482290

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 3038

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy confront possibly their toughest challenge yet: parenthood Bringing up a baby would surely be kid's play for The Five. How hard could it possibly be?! When the doorbell rings one Saturday afternoon, the last thing the Five were expecting to find on their doorstep was a baby... But the Five are next of kin to Cousin Rupert and his wife, so when they find themselves in a spot of bother and are destined for a short spell behind bars, Anne, Dick, George and Anne are the first port of call. First, it's the fear and the tiredness that kicks in. They are terrified at being responsible for this new life and have no idea they're doing it right. Why is it crying? They use Dr Google constantly, who whatever the situation offers the same range of advice from 'don't worry about it' to 'rush her to the A&E'. 'Why is she crying?' they constantly ask. 'Why?' It keeps them up all night every night, until they are reduced to walking ghosts, haunted by a numb and impotent fury. Is this an adventure too far for our Five?
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Five Get On the Property Ladder

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786484765

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 9022

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy turn their attention to finding a property they can call their very own. Join the Five as they struggle to get their feet (and paws) on the first rung of the property ladder. Luckily cousin Rupert is on hand to help. But not before they've had some very exciting adventures. Who knew that it was all going to be so difficult?
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Five Lose Dad in the Garden Centre

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786487543

Category: Humor

Page: 112

View: 784

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Uncle Quentin what a jolly good chap he is. Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they celebrate Father's Day by taking Uncle Quentin to the local garden centre to chose a new garden shed in which to conduct his experiments. But what promised to be a relaxed outing turns into a nightmare when Quentin disappears into thin air. He surely cannot have gone far . . .
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Do Ants Have Arseholes?

...and 101 other bloody ridiculous questions

Author: Jon Butler,Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Sphere

ISBN: 0748108513

Category: Humor

Page: 192

View: 1021

How easy is it to fall off a log? Where is the middle of nowhere? Do we really have no bananas? The readers of OLD GIT magazine are a batty, befuddled, potty-mouthed bunch, who seem to spend a significant chunk of their spare time corresponding with the publication's popular letters page. DO ANTS HAVE ARSEHOLES? is a very funny, very silly collection of questions and answers taken from this column, none of which has any basis whatsoever in fact. A must for all those who relish a heady mixture of shaggy-dog stories, toilet humour and utter lack of insight.
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Five Get Beach Body Ready

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786484749

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 7165

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to hone their physiques ready for the summer holidays. All it will take is a bit of effort and willpower . . . and pulling together as a team. What could possibly stand in their way? True to form, the path to the body beautiful is less straightforward than they hope!
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Do Bats Have Bollocks?

And 101 More Utterly Stupid Questions

Author: Jon Butler,Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Sphere

ISBN: 0748111042

Category: Humor

Page: 192

View: 6022

The letters page of Old Git magazine continues to offer its readers an opportunity to ask and provide answers to the most pressing questions of our times. Questions such as: Would it help global warming if I left my fridge door open? What's the riskiest game of risk ever played? If I fell down a disused mineshaft would Lassie really run and get help, or just sit there licking his balls? Do Bats Have Bollocks? features a host of completely new and untrue questions and answers. With bags more rude jokes, shaggy dog stories and the odd entry from a new, bewildered editor who's wondering what the hell he's got himself into, this book is every bit as laugh-out-loud funny as last year's hugely successful volume Do Ants Have Arseholes?
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The Ladybird Book of the Hipster

Author: Joel Morris,Jason Hazeley

Publisher: Penguin UK

ISBN: 1405925760

Category: Humor

Page: 56

View: 6931

The Ladybird book of the Hipster is your guide to the terminally cool. _________________________________________________ This is a hipster. He is childless, unaccountably wealthy, and always well turned out. He likes art, porridge,s carves, and anything reclaimed from French factories . . . _________________________________________________ Hipsters like to collect old things that are unfashionable, because that makes them fashionable. Vintage washing-up bowls are highly prized, because they look neither retro nor valuable, and therefore both. _________________________________________________ This delightful book is part of a Ladybird series specially planned to help grown-ups with the world about them. The large clear script, the careful choice of words, the frequent repetition and the thoughtful matching of text with pictures all enable grown-ups to think they have taught themselves to cope. Featuring original Ladybird artwork alongside brilliantly funny, brand new text. Also available: How it Works: The Husband How it Works: The Wife How it Works: The Mum The Ladybird Book of the Mid-Life Crisis The Ladybird Book of the Hangover The Ladybird Book of Mindfulness The Ladybird Book of the Shed The Ladybird Book of Dating The Ladybird Book of the Hipster
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School For Villains

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Pan Macmillan

ISBN: 1447223837

Category: Juvenile Fiction

Page: 256

View: 7737

I looked again at at the door and saw a message scrawled roughly in the mud of the wall above it, as though someone had used their whole hand to gouge it out: RIDLEY GARNET'S SCHOLE FUR VILLAINS. Everyone's favourite orphan-turned-storyteller Daniel Dorey is back - and heads below Tumblewater on his quest to find his sister. He unwittingly enrols in a very strange school, encountering a host of weird and wonderful characters - including for example Dr Bludger, who attacks corpses with an axe to give his students the opportunity to practise stitching. Other lessons are forgery, lock-picking, knife-wielding and still-life painting (with a twist). Will Daniel and his naughty schoolmates be able to put their grisly lessons into practice and help rescue his sister?
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Five Go Bump in the Night

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786484781

Category: Humor

Page: 96

View: 3308

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy go camping in the deep dark woods. Sleep does not come easily, so they have the brilliant idea of telling each other spooky stories. Join the Five as they scare themselves witless recounting tales that would terrify the bravest of souls. From encounters with American werewolves and being lost in space, to ghostly graveyard apparitions, it is hardly surprising that there is a sleepless night ahead of the intrepid crew. Even grumpy old Uncle Quentin and kind Aunt Fanny cannot be relied upon to be entirely themselves . . .
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Five Forget Mother's Day

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Hachette UK

ISBN: 1786486873

Category: Humor

Page: 112

View: 3012

Enid Blyton's books are beloved the world over and The Famous Five have been the perennial favourite of her fans. Now, in this new series of Enid Blyton for Grown-Ups, George, Dick, Anne, Julian and Timmy are keen to show Aunt Fanny how much she means to them. Join Julian, George, Dick, Anne and Timmy the dog as they try to celebrate Mother's Day with Aunt Fanny. George has past form in forgetting - not least her mum's birthday and Christmas presents - so tensions are running high even for the charged normality of their mother/daughter bond. But things go from bad to worse when Fanny comes to stay, with relations strained almost to breaking point. Can the Five save the day, and will Uncle Quentin get involved?
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The Secret Diary of Mario Balotelli

Author: Bruno Vincent

Publisher: Sphere

ISBN: 1405516097

Category: Humor

Page: 224

View: 311

'He's a total rock 'n' roller. There's a bit of Mario in all of us - well, maybe not Gary Neville - but the rest of us most definitely.' Noel Gallagher He may be football's latest superstar, but Mario Balotelli is just as famous off the pitch for his eccentricity and extraordinary antics. From the time he let off fireworks in his bathroom to the notorious bib incident, he's rarely out of the news. But in his secret diary*, as we follow Mario through one turbulent football season and the trail of mayhem he leaves in his wake, we discover that the headlines only tell half the story. Whether he's hiding Silvio Berlusconi in his basement, patrolling the streets of Manchester as a caped crusader or trying to be the first Premiership footballer to go to the moon, the truth is stranger, and much funnier, than we could have expected. *not the actual diary of Mario Balotelli
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